3 Reasons Why Your Past Identity Doesn’t Determine Your Future Identity
When it comes to defining leadership identity, our default is to look back to who we’ve been in the past as a starting point. This is natural, but actually handcuffs our ability to make any forward progress on stepping into the leader we can be.
Photo by francescoch
When it comes to defining leadership identity, our default is to look back to who we’ve been in the past as a starting point. This is natural, but is actually incredibly limiting, handcuffing our ability to make any forward progress on stepping into the leader we can be.
For example, our self-perception might be negative because of an important influence in our past, like a significant failure, a traumatic event, negative comments from an influential person in our lives, an addictive pattern or simply not living up to our own personal expectations. Even if our self-perception is positive, it can have detrimental impacts if this becomes our primary identity. There are many people who have based their identity around their success in a previous role, only to be thrust into a significantly different role and create uncertainty about who they’re supposed to be.
I see this backward-first tendency frequently in my coaching sessions when working through the results from the Harrison Behavioral Assessment, which provides data-driven insight into how we set ourselves up for trouble when we base our identity on our self-perception from the past. Ultimately, our past identity shapes our ability to accept ourselves, or in the terminology of the Harrison Assessment, we struggle to like ourselves and accept that “I’m okay the way I am.”
A Real Life Example
The image below is a Self-Actualization graph from the Harrison Assessment (one of the 12 Paradox Behavior graphs used in the Harrison) of a coaching client. This client had a number of influences that drove him particularly hard to excel in life. As a result, my client developed a life-long pattern of rigorous self-improvement behaviors, always trying to get better and be successful.
But his pursuit of perfection was unknowingly inspired by a belief that he didn’t quite measure up. His self-critical behaviors were often interpreted positively as “setting a high bar for himself.” Yet the warning signs are also present. As the graph indicates (see the red “storm” symbol), under stress his behaviors would flip from being self-critical to being defensive. This showed up as outbursts of anger, blaming, frustration and sudden shifts in goals and strategies.
“We struggle to like ourselves and accept that ‘I’m okay the way I am.’”
This graph reveals that his intense developmental efforts—and all the success and recognition they brought—disguised his primary motivation: to overcome a negative self-perception. The more he was esteemed for his self-improvement and rewarded for his success, the more entrenched his false identity became.
Freedom came in realizing he wasn’t who he’d been all his life. He has since become grounded in the truth that his identity is defined by who he is now and who he ultimately wants to be, not who he has been. He’s much more content, comfortable with himself and with others, and rarely has the outbursts that previously were commonplace.
“The more he was esteemed for his self-improvement and rewarded for his success, the more entrenched his false identity became.”
Backward Referencing
We have the tendency to simply accept our self-perception from the past as a permanent reality, whether positive or negative. I call this Backward Referencing: the process of using who we were in our past to define our current identity. Here are three reasons why Backward Referencing your past identity doesn’t work.
1. Who you are and who you want to be is a willful decision, not a prescribed, predetermined or fixed reality. It’s not what your environment has told you. It’s not what other people have said about you. It’s not the roles you’ve played and your performance in those roles. It’s not the emotions you’re harboring (Note: our emotions are important, and we should pay attention to them—but they don’t define us). You are not the experiences you’ve lived through in the past.
YOU decide who you want to be. This is simultaneously the most obvious and yet most elusive of truths about our identity. It is liberating and empowering when you accept it; it is also sobering, as you realize your identity is your responsibility to manage. Once you are aware of this truth, everything becomes simpler.
“YOU decide who you want to be.”
2. It’s impossible to define your identity by avoiding who you don’t want to be. You don’t get humility by trying not to be prideful. You don’t get to peace by trying not to be anxious. You don’t get strength by trying to avoid weakness.
This is true for doing anything in life. Hitting a baseball, for example: You can’t consistently hit a baseball when your approach is to avoid striking out. Neither can you hit a baseball today just because you hit well yesterday. You can’t be who you are uniquely created to be in the present—much less in the future—if your point of reference is who you were in the past.
3. Who you are is a developing reality. In Are You Who You Want to Be, I reveal that modern psychology has recently been utilizing the concept of narrative identity. It’s classified as “narrative” because our self-conception is a story in-process. Dr. Dan P. McAdams, Professor of Human Development and Social Policy at Northwestern University, defines narrative identity as “a life story—an internalized narrative integration of past, present, and anticipated future which provides lives with a sense of unity and purpose.” In this view, our identity is continuously evolving as we go through life, and each of us is forming our identities as we interact with each other.
“It’s impossible to define your identity by avoiding who you don’t want to be.”
Forward Referencing
When we reframe identity as a present and evolving narrative that we’re writing as we live each day, it becomes readily apparent that Backward Referencing is only useful for gaining perspective and learning wisdom. Most of our effort should be directed toward Forward Referencing: Focusing on the ideal identity of who we want to be. This aspirational perspective moves us quickly into an Inside-Out approach toward discovering and living out our identity. It motivates us toward our unique purpose, toward change and ultimately toward how we can best influence our world for the better and serve others’ interests.
Elements like faith and beliefs powerfully shape our ideal identity. For me, as a person of faith and follower of Jesus, this ideal identity is informed by how the Bible describes us: God’s children, deeply loved and uniquely created to be just who he designed us to be. His intent is that we become like Jesus in character and behavior. If you are not a person of faith, then center on the timeless truths, character qualities and core values to help shape your ideal identity. This ideal identity is the compass we align our lives with.
“Create your future from your future, not your past.”
If you constantly compare yourself to who you’ve been in the past, the best you can possibly hope to be is some rehashed version of who you’ve been in the past.
Looking back is helpful for reflection. But you can’t drive forward by keeping your eyes on the rear-view mirror. Ultimately, you create your future from your future, not your past. Unless, of course, you choose to create your future from your past. But that’s a choice.
Want to Know Your Identity and Live Your True Purpose?
Building Your Leadership Identity From the Inside-Out
My son’s experience with a caramel apple opened my mind to a life-long pattern of defining myself by who I was on the outside—DO, in order to BE. It created the opportunity for me to come to the end of myself.
Image by mifaso
One Fall, when our kids were young, we got some caramel apples at a school fundraiser. Sometime later, my son Brennan (who was about eight at the time) was foraging for snacks and found the last one in the back of a kitchen cabinet (of all places). Of course, when kids find caramel apples in a cabinet they aren’t concerned that perhaps they should have been in the refrigerator. They also don’t bring up the good news with Mom because they’d have to share it with their siblings.
The caramel coating on Brennan’s discovery was in fine condition. Sadly, the apple was not, and it actually fell off the stick when he picked it up—a warning sign that somehow escaped his attention. Undeterred, he chomped into it and immediately realized his treat had turned into a trick.
The Portal, and the Chase
This event turned on a light bulb for me. I suddenly realized that I’d spent my life trying to define myself by my “caramel coating”: who I was on the outside—DO, in order to BE. I saw a life-long pattern of depending on my environment and my achievements to confirm who I was. So …
When I succeeded, I was a success.
When I had a good job, I was reputable.
When I had friends, I was a good guy.
When my life was in order, I was purposeful.
When people responded to me, I was influential.
And when negative outcomes happened, it all shifted. I wasn’t sure who I was anymore; I felt frustrated, unfulfilled, anxious and insecure.
Can you relate?
“I’d spent my life trying to define myself by who I was on the outside—DO, in order to BE.”
I saw how I’d been chasing after an identity that I’d never be able to catch, because it didn’t exist out there. I realized that identity is who we are on the inside—before and beyond what’s happening in the moment on the outside. I needed to start on the inside.
Inside-Out vs. Outside-In
After a season of reflection and increased self-awareness, here’s what I came to: Instead of an Outside-In approach (letting my circumstances and performance confirm my identity), I started leaning on an Inside-Out approach that based on several key factors:
Confirming a unique, ideal identity that I aspired to be—independent from my circumstance and what was happening in my environment.
Allowing this identity to begin shaping a purpose beyond my own self-interests.
Start creating goals and plans that aligned with my identity and purpose.
Consider the various roles I was playing to determine my best fit, level of involvement and collaboration approach with others.
The first step was the most difficult, because I had no idea who the ideal “me” should be. It will be different for each person, but for me faith played a significant role. As a follower of Jesus, I leaned heavily on the biblical teaching that God intends for each person who puts their faith in him to become like Jesus. So Jesus’ character, teaching and habits became a clear pattern for me to follow.
“I had no idea who the ideal ‘me’ should be.”
If faith isn’t a part of your life, you can use other things like the timeless truths, character qualities and values that are foundational for you. In doing so, I encourage you to avoid causes and issues (like, say, climate change or gender equality), and instead look for the core values that make the causes or issues compelling for you.
Here’s how I illustrated the difference between Outside-In and Inside-Out:
Detoxing
The concept of living Inside-Out is simple. The execution is challenging, mainly because we’ve got a lifetime of bad habits that keep us firmly planted in the Outside-In approach.
In that sense, abandoning Outside-In in favor of Inside-Out may feel more like a detox process than an action step at the beginning. But it’s important to get the bad stuff out of the way before we can truly make progress.
“Abandoning Outside-In in favor of Inside-Out may feel more like a detox process than an action step.”
Here are a few important detox steps:
1. Embrace the Truth That You Are Unique, Valued and You Have a Unique Purpose In Life. I covered this in my last blog post, so I’ll keep this one brief. The important thing to remember is that in operating Outside-In, we inevitably compare ourselves to others—which ultimately compromises our ability to operate from our own identity. We can respect others and even follow their examples, but we will be best at being who we are. Accept that being you is a good thing, and is the best thing for you.
2. Reject the Lie (And the Habits That Go With It) That “We Are What We Do.” It sounds like an empowering and motivating mantra, but it is, deceptively and dangerously, wrong. It’s a trap, and is a house-of-cards idea that doesn’t stand up to the slightest breeze of common sense. Think about it:
Why would we base our identity on fleeting things like circumstantial outcomes, events beyond our control or the actions of imperfect people?
If I’m using you to help define my identity, it makes it hard to authentically relate to you. Unchecked, this can drift into co-dependency as my motives become selfish. How can I genuinely serve you if I simultaneously need something from you?
Why would we want to define ourselves by what other people think of us—especially those who wouldn’t be our advocate?
Does it make sense to identify ourselves based on how we “perform?” What does that say about us when we fail? What about those who can’t “perform” … do they have no value? What would our world look like if we operated that way?
Why would we want to live “experimentally” in order to “find ourselves?” Who wants to dedicate their life to that?
What part of being one person on the outside and another person on the inside sounds even remotely wholesome? It sounds like what it is: Chaos.
“What would our world look like if we operated that way?”
3. Believe That Your Identity Isn’t Yet Fully Written. In other words, I can be who I want to be while I’m becoming who I want to be. It’s not hypocritical double-talk, it’s simply recognizing that I’m on the journey to be who I’m striving to be. I’m working on becoming the best version of me I possibly can.
The Intervention
The detox steps are important, but they aren’t enough to fully disrupt the default Outside-in process. These 3 interventions will help you turn away from Outside-In and embrace Inside-Out.
Change. You must identify what parts of your old identity need to change. You’ll need self-awareness, clarity and a healthy dose of courage … and maybe a trusted friend.
Trust. Stepping into an identity you’ve never embraced before is a step of faith. It requires a belief in the process, and in the ideal identity you’re committing to become. You aren’t there yet, but you’re on the way. We’re always becoming who we want to be. Don’t get stuck over the fact that you’re not there yet.
Practice. Geoff Colvin’s idea of Deliberate Practice (in his book Talent Is Overrated) gets to the picture here. Being who you want to be won’t just happen. You have to continue to lean into uncomfortable and challenging areas of your life and practice your new identity.
The Change-Trust-Practice intervention steps become regular (often daily) rhythmic action steps that keep you on the path to who you want to be. Without them, you will drift back to the old habits of depending on other people, events and circumstances to tell you who you are.
With them, you will be able to continue the adventure of seeing yourself change into the person you want to be—challenging though it may be. And as you continually refine your understanding of who you are, your purpose becomes imminently more clear.
“Stepping into an identity you’ve never embraced before is a step of faith.”
Take a Deeper Dive Into
Living Your Identity
From the Inside-Out
Discover the Power Behind Your Unique Leadership Identity
The topic of leadership identity is a growing conversation, thankfully so. But keep in mind that we can’t define our leadership identity until we first define our human identity.
Photo by Tzido
The topic of leadership identity is a growing conversation, and thankfully so. There are a number of books articles from reputable sources hitting on leadership and identity. While more conversation is welcomed, I’m seeing a general pattern that bears highlighting.
Most approaches toward discovering leadership identity offer a method-based approach: Do these steps or act this way to define your leadership identity. I get it, methodology is practical and helpful. And we’re so wired for implementation that we crave for a list of hacks to put into practice.
But while these may seem to be practical and helpful approaches, they still beg a huge question: If we can discover our leadership identity by doing more stuff, wouldn’t we (by this point in human history) have figured out a list of things to do by now? How confident can we really be that these new steps are THE steps to take?
“We’re so wired for implementation that we crave for a list of hacks to put into practice.”
Outside-In
This method-based approach is what I call Outside-In. It’s the belief that if I manage my external activity then my internal identity will take care of itself. I’ll unpack Outside-In more fully in my next blog post, but for now let me summarize by saying it’s a set up for frustration. The Outside-In approach is faulty because the premise it’s based on is backwards. What we do doesn’t shape who we are. Instead, the opposite is true: Who we are shapes what we do.
So how do we discover our leadership identity, if not by what we do? Well, you should start with … you.
“Who we are shapes what we do.”
Start With You
In my last blog, I suggested beginning with a question: Are you who you want to be? (previous blog post). This question, of course, EXPOSES the issue for what it is: We DON’T know who we are.
But not knowing who you are isn’t a problem, it’s an opportunity. And instead of trying to solve the identity puzzle with Outside-In activity, solve it with an intuitive conviction based on a foundational, self-evident truth: You are the only you that will ever exist in human history.
Let that sink in for a moment.
There are 8 billion people on the planet today, and not a single one of them is like you. There have been an estimated 109 billion that lived on earth before us, and each of them were as unique as you are. Even if you have an identical twin that shares your exact DNA, you will be unique from him/her.
Younique. That’s the self-evident truth
“You are the only you that will ever exist in human history.”
The intuitive conviction flows out of this truth. Being unique means that there is a “skin” in which you and only you will be comfortable living in. In other words, there is a life to be lived in which your soul organically and naturally flows. You are able to be you, then work on being the best you possible in the leadership opportunities you find yourself in.
And when you’re content with being you, you don’t need anything from anyone else. You don’t need accolades, recognition or followers. You’re able to offer all your skills, talent, experience and competencies, and do it in a way that genuinely serves others.
This truth of your uniqueness and the conviction that follows it may sound trivial, but without them…
You try to be someone you’re not
You compare yourself to other people
You cover up for insecurities—many of which you aren’t even aware of
You operate out of fear
You identify yourself by your performance
You measure your value on what other people think of you
You equate your value with your performance
You struggle to see your blind spots, and so you have low self-awareness
Your actions have a tinge of self-interest and self-protection—
You will struggle to collaborate fully because you will find other people threatening
You will bounce from one situation to another in search of purpose and fulfillment
None of these contribute to making you an effective leader. In fact, they undermine your ability and competency to lead.
“Being unique means that there is a ‘skin’ in which you and only you will be comfortable living in.”
Where To Begin
There will be action steps to take, which I’ll unpack in further blog posts. But for now, the first step to take is the most important one: Embrace the truth that you are unique, and with that uniqueness comes value. Being you is the best possible identity for you to live out.
You can’t define your leadership identity until you define your human identity. As Warren Bennis said, “Becoming a leader is synonymous with becoming yourself. It is precisely that simple. And it is also that difficult.”
It will be a process—actually, a life-long process—and it will be a challenge. But the rewards will be far greater than if you avoid the journey altogether. You’ll be more effective as a leader, and much more fulfilled and gratified.
“You can’t define your leadership identity until you define your human identity.”
Dig Deeper Into Discovering Your Identity
Why “Who Am I?” Is the Most Important Leadership Question Ever
What if there’s a question whose answer unlocks the motivation for everything you do in our life and leadership? Well, it turns out there is!
Photo by Simone Secci on Unsplash
How do you respond to the question, "Who am I?"
I know what you might be thinking. Seriously? "Who am I" is THE most important question ever?!?
Let me assure you: If you want to be effective in life and leadership, you owe it to yourself to walk this question out. Identity—who you think you are, who you could be or should be—drives everything you do and how you do it.
Our usual response to "Who am I?" is to describe what we do. This includes the roles we play, our achievements or pastimes ... you know, the answers to the "so-tell-me-about-yourself" question. Of course, we know that what we do doesn't really describe who we are. But to go much deeper than that in casual conversation would be awkward and uber-transparent, so we stay conveniently surfacy.
Convenient, because most of us wouldn't know what to say, anyway.
“If you want to be effective in life and leadership, you owe it to yourself to walk this question out.”
A Follow-Up Question
Asking "Who am I?" unlocks another powerful question that we should consider: "Am I who I want to be?"
It's bigger because it introduces some important and inescapable elements. Let’s walk through them…
1) Purpose or calling. This second question exposes a conviction that there's a reason we're alive. We don't know how we know it, but we know we are more than just a consequence of our birth parents' co-involvement in sexual intercourse.
2) Quality or relative measurement. ”Am I who I want to be?” assumes (or maybe presumes?) that we can evaluate our identity according to some kind of standard. In other words, I get a sense that I may not be living up to expectations. And, as long as we're wading into the conversation, exactly who's expectations are we sensing? Our own? Someone else's? God's? The universe's?
And even if we can't figure that out, the question of being who we want to be—which our gut tells us is inescapably relevant—presupposes that there's a confirmed way to know.
“...we know we are more than just a consequence of our birth parents’ co-involvement in sexual intercourse.”
3) Aspiration. The word "want" is perhaps the most prominent word in the question. It reveals a longing that we are sometimes aware of in the quiet, desperate, joyful or sentimental moments in life.
When we allow ourselves the freedom—or the courage—to dream and envision ourselves being aligned with 1) our purpose and calling, and 2) our unique design, we have an assurance that’s hard to justify or explain, a desire for fulfillment that goes much deeper than just a consumeristic craving. It motivates us to change, to abandon the stuff of life we now sense is temporal and trendy and to pursue the deeper values and truths that support this deep “want.”
“...we have an assurance that’s hard to justify or explain, a desire for fulfillment that goes much deeper than a consumeristic craving.”
So … Are You Who You Want To Be?
Though we may not feel comfortable answering “yes” to that question, we want to be able to answer with a yes. Considering the question reveals an ideal identity that each of us is destined for. It exposes a gap between who we are now and who we could be, and that gap reveals our life’s purpose, a calling intended specifically for us.
Ironically, even though we’re not there yet, knowing who we want to be brings clarity, confidence and faith. We’re on the path to becoming who we want to be. And simply knowing we’re on the right path allows us to respond with a “yes,” though technically it’s more of a “yes, and not yet.”
The longing to know who we are and the hope that we can actually be who we want to be is evidence to follow. Your unique identity is out there waiting to be discovered. It is the compass that directs our conscience and intuition. It is the foundation on which our values, principles, relationships and beliefs are built upon. All these act as guides for the behaviors, strategies, goals and commitments we make in life. We know what to do.
“Identity is the foundation on which our values, principles, relationships and beliefs are built upon.”
What To Do With All This?
At the risk of sounding impractical, the first thing to do is assess what you need to STOP doing. Our tendency is to experiment with the stuff of life (hobbies, relationships, cars, clothes, diet, entertainment, etc.) in the hopes we’ll catch lightning in a bottle and find something that unlocks the secret to our ideal identity. But more experimentation only clouds the issue.
Instead, STOP “doing” long enough to reflect. Of course, stopping breeds fear because doing something at least gives us a sense that we’re in control. But it’s a false sense of control; a virtual reality.
This is where courage comes in. Be brave enough to face the journey in front of you. Take time to reflect on the foundational things in your life, things you know to be true. The process will be different for each of us, but let me offer a few suggestions that might prove helpful.
Explore things like truth, core beliefs, values, relationships, etc.
Steer away from situational or fleeting things like money, approval, status, material things, etc.
Consider things that will promote a communal perspective beyond your own personal interests, and de-emphasize things that will elevate your importance above others.
If you’re a person of faith, this is where the core elements of your belief system will come into play.
Think “legacy” … what will outlast your lifespan?
Expect this to take some time. This is the psychological equivalent to wine-making: It will take some time to ferment and sweeten. Don’t be alarmed if it doesn’t all download in an instant. You may get some initial clarity, but chances are even that clarity will mature as you continue to reflect. Have courage.
Resources
For those with a Christian faith orientation, I’ve created a downloadable Identity Mapping Process that uses a biblical framework to convey the truth (as I understand it) that God has destined each of us to be a unique reflection of Jesus in our life-space. As such, Jesus is the ideal identity we are seeking after.
Of course, I also encourage you to pick up a copy of Are You Who You Want to Be: How Knowing Your Identity Lets You Live Your True Purpose. It’s available in print, e-book and audio version. You can also get The Field Guide to Are You Who You Want to Be, a step-by-step workbook to explore as a study guide either individually or with a group.
The scariest part is simply to begin. As one who has gone through this process and found freedom and confidence on the other side, I encourage you to muster up the courage to take the first step. You’ll be glad you did!
“The scariest part is simply to begin.”
Are You Who You Want to Be: You Can Know Your True Identity
Over-relying on your default approach makes you one-dimensional. You can’t be effective, no matter how capable, intelligent, extroverted, correct or successful you are.
Photo by Kyle Glenn on Unsplash
Question: Are you who you want to be?
And Your Point Is…?
In my experience, most people say they don’t—or can’t—know who they want to be.
So What?
We usually approach our identity by looking outside ourselves, using our environment and other people to define us. I call this living “Inside-Out.” Just like glaciers that shape mountains, events and others’ opinions shape how we see ourselves—often with dramatic results.
We also look backward, basing our identity on who we’ve always been. I call this a Backwards-Reference approach. It’s like trying to drive forward using the rear-view mirror—really hard, and extremely limiting.
“Just like glaciers that shape mountains, events and others’ opinions shape how we see ourselves—often with dramatic results.”
Looking outside and backward guarantees we’ll never discover who we most deeply want to be. Neither approach accounts for God being the only source of insight into our unique identity.
The Big Picture
After a personal 25-year identity quest, I can now confidently say: I am who I want to be. Though not yet perfect, I’m living out my identity with increasing peace, clarity and focus—purpose.
“A Backwards-Reference approach is like trying to drive forward using the rear-view mirror—really hard, and extremely limiting.”
I’d like to share my discoveries and the principles I’ve learned in an upcoming book, Are You Who You Want to Be: How Knowing Your Identity Lets You Live Your True Purpose. This book will help you …
Stop experimenting at defining who you are,
Disengage from the person you’ve always been,
Stop being who you don’t want to be, and …
See how faith informs the person you want to be.
“Though not yet perfect, I’m living out my identity with increasing peace, clarity and focus—purpose.”
Your Next Step
You can sign up to be a part of the Pre-Launch Team for Are You Who You Want to Be and get regular emails that unpack and help you apply the principles. PLUS, you’ll receive a pre-release copy of the manuscript if you’re one of the first 15 people to sign up.
All that I ask in return is that you talk it up. I’ll be providing shareable content that you can push out to your network. This will be crucial in raising awareness for when the book launches.
Finally, I ask you to consider this: As the only you that will ever exist in human history, if you don’t know your designed identity there’s no way to live it out. Meaning, you’ll be frustrated and the world will miss out on seeing a reflection of God that he purposed to be revealed in and through you.
Isn’t it worth, at the very least, exploring who you want to be?
“if you don’t know your designed identity … you’ll be frustrated and the world will miss out on seeing a reflection of God that he purposed to be revealed in and through you.”
Here’s a longer article on this topic at Medium.com.
We Are Not What We Do
A popular quote says, “The difference between who you are and who you want to be is what you do.” I beg to differ.
I see/hear this quote often:
“The difference
between
who you are
and
who you want to be
is
what you do.”
Sounds motivating, doesn’t it?
But what if I told you that this quote could be 180 degrees opposite from the truth, and lead to frustration, a lack of fulfillment and desperation—if not outright disaster?
And Your Point Is…?
We don’t BECOME what we DO.
We DO what we’ve BECOME.
So What?
It all hinges on how you interpret “…what you do.”
If we fall into the trap of believing we need to DO certain things IN ORDER to become who we want to be, then our approach to our identity is Outside-In. Ultimately, we end up depending on things in our environment to define who we are (relationships, achievement, circumstances, etc.). Our identity becomes based on “performance.” At best, we’ll only be a better version of who we’ve always been. It’s a recipe for disaster.
“At best, we’ll only be a better version of who we’ve always been.”
An alternative interpretation is more helpful: We DO certain things BECAUSE we are who we want to be, then we purpose ourselves to live accordingly. This approach is Inside-Out. It starts with an identity of the person we want to be—even if we’re not perfectly fulfilling it yet. With our identity clearly defined, we then set goals, influence our circumstances and practice behaviors that align with who we want to be.
“…we then set goals, influence our circumstances and practice behaviors that align with who we want to be.”
This inside-out approach is the essence of my upcoming book, Are You who You Want to Be: How Knowing Your Identity Lets You Live Your True Purpose. It’s not abstract psychological theory, it’s a practical solution that reveals the truth about who you want to be, the surprising simplicity of discovering it, how faith informs that identity and the challenges of living out the identity you were made for.
The Big Picture
“Who am I?” is one of humanity’s most compelling questions. Depending on other people and your environment to define you is a hopeless way to discover who you want to be.
“We don’t BECOME what we DO. We DO what we’ve BECOME.”
Your Next Step
To get more insight on discovering that person you truly want to be, go to AreYouWhoYouWantToBe.com. You’ll find out more about the book and purchase it if you think it’s for you.