Are You Who You Want to Be: You Can Know Your True Identity

Photo by Kyle Glenn on Unsplash

Question: Are you who you want to be?

And Your Point Is…?

In my experience, most people say they don’t—or can’t—know who they want to be.

So What?

We usually approach our identity by looking outside ourselves, using our environment and other people to define us. I call this living “Inside-Out.” Just like glaciers that shape mountains, events and others’ opinions shape how we see ourselves—often with dramatic results.

We also look backward, basing our identity on who we’ve always been. I call this a Backwards-Reference approach. It’s like trying to drive forward using the rear-view mirror—really hard, and extremely limiting.

“Just like glaciers that shape mountains, events and others’ opinions shape how we see ourselves—often with dramatic results.”

Looking outside and backward guarantees we’ll never discover who we most deeply want to be. Neither approach accounts for God being the only source of insight into our unique identity.

The Big Picture

After a personal 25-year identity quest, I can now confidently say: I am who I want to be. Though not yet perfect, I’m living out my identity with increasing peace, clarity and focus—purpose.

“A Backwards-Reference approach is like trying to drive forward using the rear-view mirror—really hard, and extremely limiting.”

I’d like to share my discoveries and the principles I’ve learned in an upcoming book, Are You Who You Want to Be: How Knowing Your Identity Lets You Live Your True Purpose. This book will help you …

• Stop experimenting at defining who you are,

• Disengage from the person you’ve always been,

• Stop being who you don’t want to be, and …

• See how faith informs the person you want to be.
  

“Though not yet perfect, I’m living out my identity with increasing peace, clarity and focus—purpose.”

Your Next Step

You can sign up to be a part of the Pre-Launch Team for Are You Who You Want to Be and get regular emails that unpack and help you apply the principles. PLUS, you’ll receive a pre-release copy of the manuscript if you’re one of the first 15 people to sign up.

All that I ask in return is that you talk it up. I’ll be providing shareable content that you can push out to your network. This will be crucial in raising awareness for when the book launches.

Finally, I ask you to consider this: As the only you that will ever exist in human history, if you don’t know your designed identity there’s no way to live it out. Meaning, you’ll be frustrated and the world will miss out on seeing a reflection of God that he purposed to be revealed in and through you.

Isn’t it worth, at the very least, exploring who you want to be?

“if you don’t know your designed identity … you’ll be frustrated and the world will miss out on seeing a reflection of God that he purposed to be revealed in and through you.”

Here’s a longer article on this topic at Medium.com.

What Commuting Taught Me About Leadership – Stay Humble

Recently I left a job at a great company but with a long daily commute. This is the final entry of a 7-post series on things I learned about leadership on those long and tedious hours on the road.
– – – – –

I believe I’m a reasonably accomplished driver. It’d be easy to relax and not work at improving my driving skills, based on miles I’ve driven and the success I’ve demonstrated at dodging other drivers’ poor decisions.

Yet I must face the facts. There are still times I’ve started to change lanes unaware that someone was in my blind spot, or turned a corner roughly or braked sooner—or later—than I could have.

If I don’t face those facts, I’ll start thinking I don’t need to get better. Which leads to thinking I can’t get any better. Which tells me that I’m better than anyone else. Then I’m convinced that accidents only happen to other people. Which leads me to believe that accidents can’t happen to me. Then I stop using my skills. Then I get careless. Then I’m a bad driver—who still thinks he’s a good driver.

Scary.

“If I don’t face those facts, I’ll start thinking I don’t need to get better.”

And Your Point Is…?

The only way we can get better is to believe that we can get better.

So What?

I have a favorite leadership development mantra: You can’t get better by continuing to do what you’re already good at. It’s easy to over-leverage what has made us successful, whether that’s experience, personality, intelligence, tenacity … whatever.

“You can’t get better by continuing to do what you’re already good at.”

But to borrow Marshall Goldsmith’s perfectly titled book, What Got You Here Won’t Get You There, all those success-generating traits have a ceiling, a limit. Overusing them can make us think we’re a good leader, when we’re really just riding the wave of past success.

This creates blind spots, where we miss opportunities to lead more effectively. And it won’t prepare us for the leadership challenges to come.

“Overusing them can make us think we’re a good leader, when we’re really just riding the wave of past success.”

This requires a level of humility, and a dispassionate, objective view of ourselves. All with a sense of self-acceptance (i.e. my value isn’t based on my performance), coupled with a drive to improve (to fulfill our potential).

The Big Picture

It might seem odd to pair personal development with humility, but there’s a very strong correlation. People who aren’t humble aren’t hungry to learn and grow; there’s no incentive to get better. It takes humility to recognize you have untapped potential.

Your Next Step

Get someone who knows you and has your best interests in mind to reveal how you can improve. Do a 360-leadership assessment. Get a coach. But above all: Believe that you can get better.

Then never stop trying.

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